Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Let the clothes fall where they may.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
