my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He had one of those small greek statue penises
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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