so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
