I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
