I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
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