Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
