Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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