I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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