Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
