Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
