yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
