some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
