it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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