We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
