We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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