omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
