thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
