Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
