can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
