i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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