My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Terrible idea I love it
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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