I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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