shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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