i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
