He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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