if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
