I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
