Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize