I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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