well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
