I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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