She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
