Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
