So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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