Can Purell be used as lube?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
