so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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