Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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