yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Randomize
