STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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