You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
