Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
