OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
