it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
