u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
