I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Less talking, more tequila
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
