Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
