Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
