where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
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