I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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