Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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