Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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