Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
