Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
